Hello Lovelies,

Happy New Year! 2021 was brutal for me, especially at the end and I missed for the first year in many, many years, doing my New Year’s resolution planning. (Imagine my surprise when looking at my analytics to see my Dreammaker Challenge coming up at the top of my analytics this last week!) My husband and I had all last week off and spent a lot of it reflecting and kind of discussing goals but nothing like my normal planning. So I will be working on that this month. (Better late than never.) As part of that process, I have been really reflecting on what I want in life and where I’m going.

Heidi Angell January Update

I think part of my struggle is that I have sort of been in an existential crisis of sorts since 2019. My career goals are hard to set because since 2019 I have been torn on where I’m going. As for personal goals, my health has been a top priority but despite joining several health and wellness programs, that continues to decline. As a couple, my husband and I have already achieved a lot of our “dreams” and are trying to figure out our next 5, 10, 15 year vision. It is really hard to set goals when you don’t know what you want that big picture to look like.

And that is a perfect segue into this month’s IWSG prompt.

January #IWSG Prompt

For those not familiar with the Insecure Writers Support group, here’s a quick recap:
Purpose: To share and encourage. Writers can express doubts and concerns without fear of appearing foolish or weak. Those who have been through the fire can offer assistance and guidance. It’s a safe haven for insecure writers of all kinds!
Posting: The first Wednesday of every month is officially Insecure Writer’s Support Group day. Post your thoughts on your own blog. Talk about your doubts and the fears you have conquered. Discuss your struggles and triumphs. Offer a word of encouragement for others who are struggling. Visit others in the group and connect with your fellow writer – aim for a dozen new people each time – and return comments. This group is all about connecting!
Be sure to link to this page and display the badge in your post. And please be sure your avatar links back to your blog! Our Twitter handle is @TheIWSG and hashtag is #IWSG.
You ready?
Let’s rock the neurotic writing world!
This month’s optional question:

What’s the one thing about your writing career you regret the most? Were you able to overcome it?

I think most of you know my greatest regret is wrapped up in OWS Ink, but I really reflected on this hard last week as part of my trying to figure out what I am doing with life in general. My regret was definitely not in joining OWS because I really needed to be part of a collective at that time. I think I would’ve hit burnout and walked away from the writing world far earlier if I had continued plugging along on my own. There were other things in my personal life causing chaos and without people who needed me to show up, I probably would’ve walked away a lot sooner. My frustration definitely is around how it all collapsed and where that left me. I still have not recovered and part of that recovery is tied to that existential crisis I mentioned above.

Last week I watched in 20 books to 50K as author after author posted their 2021 wins and goals for 2022. There is a part of me that resented so many posting over 100K incomes with only 3-5 years experience and another part of me that wanted to slap myself for those negative feelings. Even in my hay day, I never broke through the 6 figure barrier, and now I cannot even manage to re-release all my books and courses, let alone do the kind of rapid release that some of these people are doing.

And with those negative feelings in place, I struggle to commit to re-releasing my courses. Especially as more and more authors are also offering courses.

As I continue to try to land a good job in marketing, I find myself questioning my marketing skills. I am currently working in sales and know this is not a career path for me, but I feel stuck and don’t know where else to turn.

Hence the existential crisis.

So I guess the short answer to the “have you recovered from it” is…. not yet.

But I will keep soul searching and keep working towards goals. I am taking my time with plotting my future because I cannot keep in this stuck holding pattern. This overachiever is feeling very broken from not being able to achieve anything this last year and of course, that is a vicious cycle that I do not want to repeat for 2022.

Thank you for letting me be very vulnerable with you and share this deep struggle.

The awesome co-hosts for the January 5 posting of the IWSG are Erika Beebe, Olga Godim, Sandra Cox, Sarah Foster, and Chemist Ken!